Apr 2, 2021Everything I Need to Know About Sexting I Learned in AP EnglishThrowing it back to this time last year in celebration of forced celibacy. Names have been changed, because it’s not Brett’s fault that I overshare. There was no doubt about it, Brett the account executive had game. Not only could he maintain a conversation, but he also asked questions back…Sexting5 min read
Mar 26, 2021My quarantine boyfriend is six foot, dreamy, and probably has a wife and kidsWritten at the beginning of lockdown, publishing in grim celebration of a year of distance. Names have been changed to protect the sensitive men of Bumble. A friend told me that she was using this time in quarantine to fall more in love with herself. I was like, oh, that’s…Online Dating5 min read
Mar 16, 2021The Dumpling PartyAs the common denominator I felt like it had to mean something, but I wasn’t sure what. I tallied up the similarities: Meticulously groomed Bought way too much food that I now had to eat alone Really, really excited about something I was no longer invited to due to a…Quarantine6 min read
Feb 24, 2021Everything my neighbors know about me as gleaned in the last 275 hours, A Sound DiaryLeaves bathroom fan on unnecessarily Deduced by: Landlord who lives directly above Realization of just how thin walls are comes in form of a text from landlord the night I move in, asking me to turn bathroom fan off. Slightly unnerved by someone actively tracking my showering habits. Even more…4 min read
Feb 16, 2021Right place. Or how Carol from CVS is basically my fairy godmotherWhenever I hear someone say that wherever we are is exactly where we’re meant to be, and that there’s some reason we’re here right now, and that at every point in time, we’re always in our right place, I can’t not roll my eyes. …6 min read
Jan 9, 2021Can I get that sex back? And other first datesThis is a piece from a couple years back that’s been living in a cardboard box next to a book about the elusive orgasm. The names have been changed. Posting it in fond nostalgia of a time when there wasn’t a correlation between hugging your mom and ICU capacity. Sometimes…8 min read
Jan 2, 2021On why you should probably wear your underwear out of the store“It’s the sticker thing!” Was my exhausted, one eye open breakthrough five hours deep into a heart to heart with myself during the drive home for the holidays. In preparation for the trip, I’d primed a queue of audiobooks and podcasts long enough to rival a CVS receipt. But instead…6 min read
Dec 19, 2020You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with: Quarantine version*Trigger warning, this post includes potentially disturbing material regarding Harm OCD* You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with: Quarantine version Roommates 2. Hinge Date 3. Therapist 4. Life Coach It’s quarantine, so I’m pretty proud I managed to get four on that list…5 min read
Dec 12, 2020Feeling human. Or that time I got fingered by my Uber driverIt’s pretty rare that I actually like a guy. Like like like him. And it’s been a minute since I’ve had butterflies. …5 min read
Dec 5, 2020On perfectionism. Or that time I thought I was gonna get laid over ThanksgivingMy biggest regret about spending Thanksgiving in quarantine is that I didn’t find out I’d been exposed until after I spent three and a half hours in the bathroom taking care of “personal maintenance.” Granted, it’d been a minute since any sort of upkeep had taken place, so this all…5 min read
